Birthday Anxiety

Our eldest son who is the 'neurotypical' one of our 3 children turns 9 this week. Unfortunately his birthday causes stress to our 2 ASD children which is upsetting for all three of them, as well as to us as parents. We have always envisaged our children's birthdays being happy occasions and not days where careful planning has to be done to reduce the number of tears and tantrums.

Both of our ASD children do not like their normal daily routine being changed, so birthdays even their own present problems.

Our youngest son has the additional difficulty that he does not like presents being wrapped up due to the unknown quantity of them. During the past year we have made the discovery that if we do not wrap his presents up, he is more likely to play with new toys and will be less distressed by the occasion. To avoid him being anxious last year by the sight of wrapped presents our eldest son got us up at 5am to watch him open his presents whilst his brother was still asleep. Unfortunately our youngest son woke up as our eldest son opened up his present from us and came downstairs and broke it. This was not a good start to his birthday celebrations. To ensure there is not a repeat performance this week our eldest son at his request has already received our main present. 

We are going to go out for dinner to celebrate our son's birthday and are not expecting it to go smoothly but we have to persist with family outings to help our ASD children get used to these situations. There will be tears and tantrums and to make up for this, our eldest son who is a massive Dr Who fan is going to watch the 50th anniversary episode in 3D at the cinema with just his Dad next weekend. We know he will get no peace at home watching it, as his siblings will shout all the way through it, as it is not their choice of programme. This way he can do something just for him and have the reassurance that it won't be spoilt by his siblings having a meltdown.

 

Once we get through this week, we then have to contend with Christmas, which is another story!!

Sensory toys to make at home

It's been another creative night where I've been experimenting with sensory toys that can be made easily at home with little cost involved.  Our daughter has helped me with a sensory glove.  Each finger/the thumb has a different texture inside it - we have chosen paperclips, sugar cubes, pasta, tissue paper and cotton wool.  The body of the glove has been filled with scrunched up newspaper and then we tied it at the top and decorated it with a face.  As well as getting used to the feel of different textures, a child can use it as a puppet and let their imagination run away with them. 

 

 

Another quick and easy project is to fill a ziplock bag with hair gel and add some plastic sea creatures.  Gaffer tape the top, so that the hair gel doesn't leak onto the floor.  It's a great sensory bag to squeeze and for children that don't like getting messy, it is a simple way for them to feel a slimy texture without getting any of it on them!

1:1 Swimming Lesson

Our two oldest children are both confident swimmers and love being in the water, whereas our youngest son has always struggled with bath time.  We have taken him to a local special needs swimming group as it is a quieter environment, but he is still reluctant to let go of our hands even when he has a swimming jacket or arm bands on.  Tonight he had his first 1:1 lesson in a private pool and the difference this has made is astounding.  By the end of the 30 minutes he had let go of the instructor's hands and was kicking his legs and trying to do doggy paddle with his arms.  He felt secure in a woggle and arm bands, there was no noise around him, as only him and the instructor in the pool, which meant his anxiety of being splashed vanished as well.  I am so proud of the big step he has made tonight and he says he can't wait to go again next week.  If he can make this amount of progress in one session, he will be swimming in no time at all.  Once he has developed the confidence to swim, we can then conquer his fear of being in a pool with other people.  It may seem such a small thing for a lot of children to splash about in a swimming pool, but for our son, he has just climbed a huge hurdle.

Giving a Talk

Two years ago I never would have dreamt that I could stand in front of a group of people and give a talk. Today I did just that, presenting a Sensory Processing talk to a small group of parents/carers of children with ASD. As well as talking and answering questions, I had a selection of sensory toys we have at home to show parents what is available to buy.  Much of it is affordable and in everyday shops without people realising the sensory benefit it may have for their child.

It is  the third time I have done the talk and I still get nervous each time, but I'm buzzing afterwards as it is rewarding to be able to share all that we have learnt as a family and I hope that something I have spoken about may help someone else. We have often found that one tip that we have learnt from another parent has made a huge difference to the lives of our children and so sharing information like this is invaluable to parents of children with special needs. I don't claim to be an expert in sensory processing, but can offer an insight into our experiences of having two children with sensory processing difficulties and strategies/equipment that have worked for us.  It is trial and error as to what will work for an individual child and as parents we are still learning and always open to new ideas.  It is only by sharing these ideas that more people can benefit from learning about Sensory Processing Disorder and the effects it can have on a person.

 

Below is a clip from YouTube that explains the basics of Sensory Processing Disorder.

 

 

Halfterm Anxiety

Halfterm can be unsettling for a child with ASD as the routine they have got used to for the past 6 or 7 weeks suddenly changes. Most children enjoy not having to go to school but when you have ASD it can make you feel more anxious, as you aren't sure what you are going to do each day and there are more gaps for free time than if you were at school for the day.

 

Our youngest son struggles with the holidays and it is only now as we approach the end of the week that he is getting used to the fact that there is no school this week. I've lost count of the number of times he has asked me 'is it school today, how many sleeps until school'. A countdown chart works well for these situations as a visual aid to help him understand when he will be going back to school.  Making a timetable of what activities you are going to do each day will also help to form the new routine for the holidays.

 

We tend to find there are more meltdowns in the holidays and I'm always looking for new ways to help calm our kids and distract them from their anxieties. Today I have made a glitter bottle - fill 2/3 of bottle with water then add a bottle of glitter glue and some normal glitter.  Make sure the top is done up tightly, shake the bottle and watch the glitter float around the bottle until it settles on the bottom. It is relaxing and visually stimulating.  Our daughter has already asked if she can keep this in her bedroom.

Another calming tool I've experimented with is a glass jar filled with small pieces of pipe cleaners. Use a magnet on the outside of the jar and watch the pipe cleaners magically lift up to the top of the jar. At the moment we have been using magnetic power stones to move the pipe cleaners up and down, but when I find a big traditional shaped magnet I think there will be more power behind the magnet and so more pipe cleaners will move around in one go.

 

Both of these are simple ideas that may help to reduce anxiety and to relax an ASD child.  If it helps to stop a meltdown or can be used as a calming distraction, it's worth the effort of making them. 

Success at the Hairdressers

Our youngest son had his hair washed at the hairdressers tonight which is an amazing step forward, as his hair has not been washed properly for months.  He will put the shampoo onto his hair at home, but then won’t let you wash it off.  It has been a battle of wills where hair washing is concerned and to date I have not won and just been soaked in the process!!

 

Tonight we visited our hairdresser at 6.30pm when the salon was quieter.  It was decided that it would be best to cut his hair first and then wash it so that any pieces of hair that had been cut and were on him could be washed away and he wouldn’t feel itchy.  Our son was engaged in the whole process and shown everything the hairdresser was going to use to cut his hair first.  He enjoyed having his nose tickled by the baby size clippers, so that he knew what to expect when she did his hair.  After his hair had been cut, we went upstairs to the ladies part of the salon.  He was covered in towels so that no water could reach his clothes and then placed on a huge booster cushion so that he could reach the basin and he gingerly put his head back to have his hair washed.  He grasped my hand tightly and looked up to the ceiling whilst a miniscule amount of water was put onto his head.  As he became reassured that the water was not going to touch his face, the hairdresser gradually wet more of his hair and then let him smell the shampoo she was going to use.  He enjoyed the sensory input of being able to smell the strong mint scent in advance of it being placed on his hair and the firm pressure of a mini head massage helped to reduce his anxiety.  When the time came for his hair to be towel dryed, we quickly reminded him to keep his eyes looking at the ceiling, so that the water didn’t trickle down his face and leave him with a lasting memory of getting wet.

He has come away feeling happy about the whole process and wants to have his hair washed again. 

Halloween is not for everyone

We have spent the last few years during the evening of 31 October sitting in the dark with no tv on and not being allowed to make a noise as our two ASD children do not like the unknown quantity of Halloween.  Costumes can terrify them and many ASD children do not like dressing up themselves, then our children worry if the treats you give out are not seen as being good enough, a trick will be carried out.  Plus their lives are governed by rules and abiding by them.  One rule that all parents teach children is not to talk to strangers, therefore to explain to an ASD child who sees everything in black and white that it is ok to knock on the door of a stranger and ask for sweets goes against everything they have ever been taught.  Even as a parent, I am not happy with letting them do that, so I can only guess how confusing it must seem to them.  They also struggle to understand why you would open the door and speak to someone you do not know.

 

We are lucky that we do not live on a busy road and so there are generally only a handful of trick or treaters that knock at the door.  Our children have already said that the door is not to be opened on Halloween and we will respect that.

To help to prepare our children for the Halloween items that they will see hanging up in houses or in the shops, I have made a sensory bin that is full of stretchy skeletons, squishy eyeballs, pumpkin tinsel and spiders, mixed together with rice and lentils.   

 

Preparation is the key to everything when you have a child with ASD.